My Approach to Healing
'You Got This'
Everywhere I go, I encounter people who are living with stress. Much of the stress is from memories of unresolved events, situations, and traumas - past and present.
Traumatic events such as car accidents, injuries, unexpected death of a friend or family member, sexual violation, job loss, empty nest, infidelity or divorce.
Situations such as workplace stress, sudden illness, ageing parents, financial instability, infidelity, relationship struggles, addictions (alcohol, prescription drugs, food, shopping).
Traumas from childhood of bullying, parental abuse or neglect, lack of love, death of a loved one.
The memories loop in their mind. Their emotions are all mixed up. They have physical symptoms that don't make sense. They get triggered and react in ways they don't understand. They are dissatisfied with life even though they are doing their best.
They are getting tired, frustrated, discouraged. Life is losing its luster and they don't know how to make it better.
I see their frustration and feel their pain. I too am a survivor of events, situations, and traumas. I have a deep personal understanding of the challenges of peeling through the layers of emotional pain.
I began my healing journey thirty years ago at age 23. For a few years it was a frustrating one step forward and two steps back, and so I began my search for the 'magic key' to feeling better permanently.
'Self knowledge = Self Empowerment'
As I began to understand my own healing process while furthering my education, I connected to the psychological understanding of the human condition. People's behaviours, motivations, and intentions began to make sense to me. The human response to trauma was no longer a mystery. I devoted myself to learning as much as possible, first to overcome my own personal pain, and eventually share my learning to help others in need.
I wanted to learn how a person could heal and grow while continuing to live a busy life, not the idealistic and for most of us unrealistic alternative in which we quit our life, move to an Indian Ashram and meditate non-stop for two years.
My research uncovered many resources that validated how, after a traumatic event, we are not permanently broken even though we may feel that way. We have the ability to heal ourselves AND lead a happier and more satisfying life. Four key components for healing success are:
A willingness to invest time and energy in understanding ourselves.
A willingness to learn how we have created our current reality as a result of our subconscious beliefs, thoughts, behaviours, and choices, and to understand that we can heal and transform ourselves to create a reality based on what we want.
A willingness to find and create a healthy, accepting and caring support system that allows us to practice new thoughts and behaviours.
A willingness to send and receive good intentions or positive actions to ourselves and others without expectation of reward, reciprocity or acknowledgement.
Life doesn't happen to you, it responds to you.
Although you may not believe you are able to control an event, situation or trauma that happens to you
you are able to control your response to it.
Learning and practicing healthy and effective responses to situations is the basis of self empowerment.
'My approach to healing'
Most of us have not been taught how to successfully navigate and resolve the aftermath of emotional situations or traumatic events. Instead we do the best we can to survive and move on. But no matter how much you wish the stressful event will go away on its own, it won't - which I am sure you have already realized. The situation and stress need to be put into a context that can be understood in order to be resolved.
Einstein said "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them". So, if you want to heal, you need to learn new ways to think and behave in your world.
Healing is both a process and a journey. First, you need to understand what is happening to you, and why. Then, you must learn how to change it. And most importantly, you need guidance, encouragement, and support during the process of change.
This is where I come in - I am your guide, coach, and teacher.
I facilitate the steps of your healing process, open the doors for your self-empowerment, and support you on your journey.
My healing approach is based on the three steps outlined below. How we move through the steps and what methods and activities we use is tailored to your individual needs. I teach a variety of methods and activities that have been cultivated from my years of training, research and personal experimentation. All my techniques and activities are a combination of proven ways of healing that have been taught all over the world for centuries, as well as those recently discovered. There is much value in healing methods that come from the ageless wisdom of ancient cultures and historical traditions.
All my methods support the principles of self-healing. When you are ready and willing, I can teach you how to heal yourself.
The first step is to uncover and understand the root cause or causes of your emotional pain and begin the healing process.
For example, if you were in a car accident, the reasons for your anxiety about driving are obvious.
But, if you need to load up on drugs and alcohol to fly in an airplane and don't know why, as we dig into the issue we may, for example, discover that you have blocked a childhood memory of being accidentally locked in a cupboard for a while.
This often difficult first process can uncover many hidden layers, but it will provide the relief and the healing that you need to move on to the next step where you will no longer be held hostage by past traumatic events and will begin to feel self-empowered.
The second step is to demystify the complex mystery of being YOU. It will uncover the reasons why you still carry emotional trauma and pain from the discoveries we made in step one.
Here is a lighthearted example from my own past to illustrate the unintended and long-lasting effects that even a seemingly innocent event can have on our beliefs. All of us have memories of being teased by peers or corrected and punished by a teacher. Often, the result of these negative early experiences will leave us with an unconscious self-limiting perception that impacts us today. One of my memories is from Kindergarten. I was chided and corrected by a teacher for colouring a lion purple instead of brown. As a young child, this affected me in a very powerful way resulting in the unconscious belief or perception that, in order to receive praise, I should always follow the rules and colour things the right way. After all, what child of five years old doesn’t thrive on being praised by their teacher? For the longest time, my creative enthusiasm felt stifled, and drawing or colouring just wasn’t fun. After working through this minor but still significant event, I realized my teacher was projecting her self-limiting beliefs onto me. I guess she'd never seen the paintings of Salvador Dali! So…now I colour my lions purple, pink, orange, red, or whatever colour I want them to be.
This story illustrates how, in step two, you will learn which of your beliefs, attitudes and values stem from your innate personality traits, and which ones are the result of childhood traumas, negative programming, your environment, and the culture you grew up with. We will explore the effects that ‘Nature and Nurture’ have had on your personality. In other words, which aspects of your behavior are a product of inherited (i.e. genetic) or acquired (i.e. learned) influences.
We will explore your relationship with yourself and others. What are your relationship interactions and patterns? How do you show up in the world? As we uncover the answers, you will learn and practice the Art of Self-Reflection. You will begin to understand why your life is the way it is, and more importantly, what it is you want to change. We will expand your emotional toolkit as you learn to be mindful of your beliefs, thoughts and behaviours, and most importantly, to consciously choose your responses to stress, confrontations, and challenges.
Your feelings of self-empowerment will strengthen, your life will become better, and you will confidently make choices based on what you want, and not based on what you perceive others expect of you.
The third step is identifying the life you want versus the life you are currently living. You will create your own action plan to follow, your own personal road map towards achieving the life you desire and deserve.
We all want to have good relationships and a healthy, happy life. But why, despite all our efforts, have we not achieved that goal? Why, despite following the path we were told to follow - school, marriage, career, children - have we not found the magic formula, the gold at the end of our rainbow? Why are we dissatisfied with our lives and wishing there was more?
During this step we examine the obstacles and barriers that are hindering you from finding satisfaction in your life. We review how your past beliefs, thoughts, behaviours, and choices, have created your current life. Then, from a holistic perspective, we consider which of your needs are not being met and how to go about changing that. Through a variety of activities we uncover what you really want, and create a plan of action to get you there.
We remove emotional blocks and sabotaging beliefs, clearing the path so you can focus on completing each action step. Sometimes we follow the steps in a certain order, but always in the order that best suits you.
It is important to remember, this is a journey. Most often you will move forward with ease but sometimes you’ll stumble, sometimes you’ll fall. Sometimes we'll go non-stop, and sometimes we'll take a break. There is no race to the finish line.
As you complete the process you will feel empowered to step triumphantly forward as the new you into your new life with confidence, contentment, and joy.
What are you waiting for? Today is the last ‘today’ you will ever have!